...it doesn't have to be true, just entertaining. :P
5 comments:
Anonymous
said...
When I was a kid, we used to eat at a place called The Sportsman's Lodge. It was a big place with big grounds for weddings and what not. We would save our bread and go out and feed the ducks in the many lakes. On one occasion, my grandmother and I went out on our adventure. I gave a piece of bread to a big goose and it bit my finger. I screamed out and it would not get go. So my grandmother proceeded to club it with her big snakeskin purse. She hit the goose and feathers flew. It happened that this all took place in front of the big picture window where people were eating on the other side. So they all looked up and just saw my grandmother going to town on a goose.
I pushed a teacher through a window one time when I was in grade nine. He was standing in my way. Yes, I did. I wasn't always this nice. :-)
Also, I would tell my French teacher that I had to go to the bathroom and I would go outside and have a waterfight with my friends. And then I would come back in soaked at the end of class. I would tell him that the toilet exploded. See? I wasn't always this nice. I have FLA-VAH. :-)
Another goose story: I am horsie. Sometimes (crazy) horsie peeps have other animals on their farms. On one such farm I was walking by, minding my own biznass and attacked by a gigantic male Canadian goose. Savage bit right through the ankle of my incredibly thick leather boot - which I later had to have cut off.
He got his.
As he was biting me and trying to knife me with his razor sharp wing elbows, I grabbed him right behind his goosie head and wrangled him around such that he became completely disoriented and tried to fly directly into the ground for several minutes after.
My nickname is - oh never mind - it doesn't add to the story.
A few days ago an officer arrested 2 prostitutes who agreed to uhhh... how shall I say.... "masturbate" and "perform oral sex" on a guy at the same time... for a cinnabon and coke from McDonalds.
Talk about your #6 value meal! Their new slogan could be "Our cinnamon rolls are so good you'd suck a d1ck for one." Damn... that story is cracking me up so much I might have to use it on my own blog. LOL!
...it doesn't have to be true, just entertaining. :P
5 comments:
When I was a kid, we used to eat at a place called The Sportsman's Lodge. It was a big place with big grounds for weddings and what not. We would save our bread and go out and feed the ducks in the many lakes. On one occasion, my grandmother and I went out on our adventure. I gave a piece of bread to a big goose and it bit my finger. I screamed out and it would not get go. So my grandmother proceeded to club it with her big snakeskin purse. She hit the goose and feathers flew. It happened that this all took place in front of the big picture window where people were eating on the other side. So they all looked up and just saw my grandmother going to town on a goose.
My nickname is Goose.
I don't think I can top that.
Hmm... during Christmas when I was young, Santa didn't arrive in a sleigh. He showed up in an F4 fighter jet.
And in elementary school? I argued with my teacher about the pilgrims and the Mayflower. Because the Mayflower? Was NOT a ship. It was a moving van.
I pushed a teacher through a window one time when I was in grade nine. He was standing in my way. Yes, I did. I wasn't always this nice. :-)
Also, I would tell my French teacher that I had to go to the bathroom and I would go outside and have a waterfight with my friends. And then I would come back in soaked at the end of class. I would tell him that the toilet exploded. See? I wasn't always this nice. I have FLA-VAH. :-)
This one time, at band camp...
JK.
Another goose story: I am horsie. Sometimes (crazy) horsie peeps have other animals on their farms. On one such farm I was walking by, minding my own biznass and attacked by a gigantic male Canadian goose. Savage bit right through the ankle of my incredibly thick leather boot - which I later had to have cut off.
He got his.
As he was biting me and trying to knife me with his razor sharp wing elbows, I grabbed him right behind his goosie head and wrangled him around such that he became completely disoriented and tried to fly directly into the ground for several minutes after.
My nickname is - oh never mind - it doesn't add to the story.
Yours in *sshattery
A few days ago an officer arrested 2 prostitutes who agreed to uhhh... how shall I say.... "masturbate" and "perform oral sex" on a guy at the same time... for a cinnabon and coke from McDonalds.
Talk about your #6 value meal! Their new slogan could be "Our cinnamon rolls are so good you'd suck a d1ck for one." Damn... that story is cracking me up so much I might have to use it on my own blog. LOL!
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