Sunday, June 13, 2010

45

Forty-five months, where do I begin? 45 is a significant number for me. Personally it's a number where I never thought we would get up to. Yes, I know, there are people who are/have been waiting longer than us, but when I was thinking about our referral last year, I just dreaded this month. My dad died when he was 45. I know I really shouldn't make any inference from that, but I do. I didn't think I could be any more 'down' than I am and have been for the past 3+ years, but today sucks. HARD.

So, another month and another charm. This month I'm adding the fortune cookie charm to the bracelet, which my sister-in-law chose (a long time ago).

This also marks the last month that I'm going to be adding charms to the bracelet.

I have a number of charms saved up, but I just can't bring myself to add them. They're a little too 'personal' and we would have to be a helluva lot closer to referral for me to even think about adding them. By adding them, that would mean I would have to look at them every.single.day and it's just too painful to do that right now.

14 comments:

dreamer said...

hey there, it's clear the wait is very very tough, for lots of different reasons. And as the time passes it brings along far too many milestones.

I can only hope, that future milestones bring you deep deep joy and overwhelming peace.

Peace out.

a Tonggu Momma said...

Oh, I know... we hit exactly four years today.

Beth said...

I am sorry.

It sucks

Lisa said...

Holding you both close to our hearts. We love you guys and we're gonna support you right to the day that you walk through those doors at the airport with you beautiful baby. xo xo xo xo
Love from us.

Red Sand said...

I agree with Beth. It does suck. I'm sending you another armload of hugs.

Michael and Tammy said...

All I can say is I understand - thanks for commenting on our yahoo group site. It has just been so hard lately and I can completely understand why you would think of your dad, how could you not? - sorry for your loss ((hugs))

Teacher girl said...

Hang in there girl, it will come. We have to believe that.

hugs

kerri said...

I have no other words, except I'm sorry...
hug..

Special K said...

I understand. And I'm sorry you're hurting. This wait sucks. Maybe someday we'll get past it. But I know we'll never forget it.

Janet said...

Sorry, Rhonda. That's all...just...I'm so sorry.

k said...

it's rough period, the wait. add this particular loss into the mix, well, it's completely understandable why it's especially painful now.

i'm really sorry.

LedaP said...

I'm so sorry for you ...I can't imagine how you must feel.

Coley - giving it our all said...

Sorry Rhonda. The only consolation is that it will happen and when it does, this hurt you're feeling today, will be a DISTANT memory.

geminirn said...

Sorry that your hearts are aching so bad........yes I'm certain that it really must suck.
Hugs to you both from NB