(rant)Well, this is something I never thought I'd do, but I have to get this rant out. I'm pissed and, you know what, that's ok.
The new batch came out, as many of you are aware, and it went from November 21 to 25. Four days of referrals this month. FOUR days. I know that this month was supposed to be really heavy for LIDs, but this is just absurd. We're coming up to our one year LIDiversary (we're planning a little party, but I've held off doing anything for it just yet) and now I have to wonder what decade we're going to see our child. I never wanted to say this, but at this rate, I think it's going to end up being 2010. That hurts just writing that. A LOT.
I told my aunt and uncle about the adoption tonight, but I just couldn't get excited about it. Now in hindsight, I'm wondering if I really should have said anything. I just wish we had a better idea of WHEN this was going to happen.
I'm getting annoyed with the RQ. I don't know where she gets her information, but she seems to just either not care lately or not bother to get to the truth of the matter. Yes, I know, her site is based on rumours, but damn it how does it go from somewhere in (very) late November to December 13 and then, in reality, end up at November 25? She's been consistently wrong lately, yet I still click on her site. I think, for my sanity (or what's left of it), I really need to stop clicking on her site. In the beginning it helped a little, perhaps, but not anymore. If her predictions/rumours/whatever are always wrong, then what's the point?
I have to wonder if, at times, she puts out these wild assed guesses (hey, I can say that here without being censored) just to get more hits on her site. Let's face it people, she gets paid for clicks. Don't even get me bloody started on her 'book reviews' or the automatons who comment on her site like she's G-d's gift to all things adoption related. She really isn't. Granted, she spends a lot of time on her site, but if she's almost always wrong, then why should we waste our time clicking?
I find it amusing that whenever anyone questions her posts or has an independent thought, that her minions jump to her defense and beat down the person who deigns to question her, yet she says that people should support each other in the process. So, which is it?
It also pissed me off to no end when she was babbling about how the year has gone by SO fast...yeah, for her it has...she's not waiting any longer. I'm not trying to diminish her wait and everyone else who has waited a long time, but it seems lately that there's no end in sight.
I'm tired of getting my hopes up for a big batch and then having it crash and burn EACH and EVERY month. Josh has gotten to the point where he only wants to hear about the adoption timeline when it's on the CCAA site.
The only 'positive' thing is that I know I'm not alone in my feelings. How are you all handling/dealing with the wait? If you'd rather comment anonymously, go ahead. If you have a differing opinion, please feel free to express it...
(/rant)
***I just wanted to thank you all for your supportive comments, open and honest feelings on the topic, and the emails I received.***
25 comments:
Yeah, she sucks, the wait sucks. It is all just sucky. Time to go wallow in chocolate and pickle chips.
You know how I've never been a big fan of her site. One of the things I've always asked (and no one wants to answer) is.......why doesn't she or the person who submitted rumors of "late into December" ever go back and find out why the rumor was bad?
You sometimes wonder if the rumor starts off as someone muttering, "I wish it would go into late December because...." and someone overhears this and takes it out of context and presto-magico it becomes an item on the RQ.
And yet, other people say that the RQ helped them with their wait. I guess hearing other people suffer the yo-yo of emotions DUE TO THE SITE and commiserating together made them feel better?
Oopsie, may have hijacked the comments section.
I too found the "Boy this year's gone fast" post wildly insensitive.
She reminds me of infertile women who get pregnant through IVF and then tell other infertile women who haven't been so lucky to "just relax."
I've been a follower of your blog for quite awhile now but TERRIBLE at commenting!! lol I think it's been because of the wait. I've stopped commenting on blogs even because this all just seems to keep going in circles!!
I love visiting here though and LOVE your perspectives.
I too struggled this month especially...I'm hoping to get out of this huff soon.
Thank you soooo much for your honesty. I love reading the blogs where people are honest about how much this sucks. Yes...even if we can't do anything about it!! lol
How are we handling/dealing? We're not. I gave up last night. I'm trying to un-do the giving up, trying to find hope again, but it's soooo hard.
Although I've appreciated the info I've gotten from RQ, since our agency never tells us shit - the group mentality over there (like so many adoptive parenting websites) does get tiring. And I don't take the site very seriously anymore.
I stopped commenting or adding to anything since you always have the know-it-alls who will correct you & lecture you. Seems to be a lot of those out there on the subject of adoption.
I am SO SO tired of the whole adoption thing. Weary, discouraged, you name it.
I feel the same way. I thought they would at least get through Nov.30th. I can't go to the RQ site, it's just to much. My LID is Jan.10,2006. We are hitting 20 months logged in with China. Someday it will happen :)
I have never been to the RQ - really.
hate rumors.
and my opinion of this 4 days - sucks.
I just started going to the RQ site, more or less to check out the big LID's. I don't pay much attention to what anyone says, in fact I never read the comments. I hear what she has to say, I get my hopes up and then they are squished. It's not her fault, just the reality of the situation. My hopes go up regardless every month thinking that this is going to be the month the CCAA does a turnaround...they never do. In fact, I feel like we're going backwards 1/2 the time. 4 days....Sucks big ones.
This whole thing sucks and I totally get where you are coming from!
SUCKS is an understatement!
I click on RQ cause that is where the links to the pictures of the new babies is...thats all!
I have only commented once and then people jumped all over me...NOT WORTH IT.
That said - I can't wait until it is MY turn for my blog to be on her site as someone with a referral.
I think more of the false rumors as people having fun screwing with the rumor queen site...
Sort of like a certain someone I once knew on a Yahoo board I'm no longer a part of did... created a fake website just to yank with people's chains.
Amusement for some, agony and let down for others.
I like the RQ site... but then again I take it all as a rumor. My famous response to more than a 7 day RUMOR is BWAHHHHH HA HA HA BWAAAAHHHHH HA HA.
it helps.
She likely does keep tabs on the good rumor feeds vs bad, she's eluded to this. But again, I like that she puts most of it out there. She does hold some back though, I just don't think most people know that.
For me, it's like ALL the online groups, no single one has it all, they all suck to some degree and all are great to some degree... just a matter of where your personal degree is.
Stick a fork in me...I am numb.
I check her out but take it all lightly.
Keep smilin!
You said it sister! My jaw actually dropped when I read RQ's comment about the year going so fast. How quickly or fortunatley that she didn't have to wait nearly as long and has now put it behind her. Talk about lacking in sensitivity.
Thanks for your rant. I think we all feel a little better for it.
EXCELLENT rant! Things suck....I'm so beyond depressed that I'm not even depressed anymore. I know that doesn't make sense, but nothing around this entire adoption thing makes any sense anymore. I"m looking at 2010 now as well -- counting when I started thinking about this thing, it's a full 6 years. Ridiculous. My life is completely on hold until this adoption goes through....can't live with or marry DateBoy until afterwards. Years. This sucks.
Cari
You've hit the nail on the head. How can rumours be floating around of a December cut off two days before referrals come out? I think now that she's got her kids she doesn't care what's out there any more, or isn't as careful.
It kills me how she goes on with the whole "this is my living room" crap. If you don't want any opposition or conflict, don't allow comments!
I haven't been waiting nearly as long as others, but I am officially done with this bullshit. I feel totally duped. Time to take matters into my own hands now and come up with an alternative way to becoming parents way faster than this.
I'm with Mrs. Vandertramp. I think I've given up. I'm tired of hope. I'm tired of the "little sister" comments from my 4 1/2 year old. And sometimes I feel guilty that I already have a daughter when so many people are suffering through this horrifying situation without that kind of distraction. None of it makes any sense. I just wish I could erase my brain and be satisfied as an only child family.
And I'm not looking at RQ any more. I'm done with her. Maybe if we all stop clicking on her and feeding her meter, she'll just go away.
I like her for her polls. The fact that this month actually had more referrals according to her polls, in those four days than last month, made me feel better.
Dealing with the wait? Kind of numb. We haven't given up but we are putting it on hold in our minds. I do believe that we will adopt our daughter from China but I am slowly focusing on other things other than the wait. VERY hard to do but if I keep my "project list" full, then the days seem to slip by faster.
I know exatly how you are feeling!!! We just passed our 1 year LIDversary and we didn't do anything - no one commented or posted, no one said anyhting to us and we didn't say anything to each other. There isn't anything exciting about it. I feel like it only ever gets further away and NEVER any closer. I just try to not think about it (not happening) every month is depressing and of course our agency says NOTHING..EVER!! The only thing seriously that keeps me going is that there are other people in the exact same boat as us. Try to keep praying for the best, that is all we can do!!
Oh my!! I'm right there with you. I cried and cried on Monday when I saw the 4 day referral. SUCKS!! RQ - doesn't bother me much - I take it with a grain of salt and laugh at the little flame wars that happen because I sure can't laugh at this never ending wait!! We've been logged in 15 months!!! 15 LONG months!! We want our baby girl!!
Which is why we say to only listen to Martha's updates. *grin*
Hang in there chickadee!
And I don't mean to sound flippant...you know I feel for you guys.
I know this is after the fact, but I wanted to chime in too. Stay off the RQ at all costs. We had someone in our group when we were adopting that just kept things stirred up. We were all bat shit and I for one did not handle it well at all. I was a nervous wreck. Severly emotional and high stressed. I hate rumors. Call your agency. Talk to them. It is very frustrating I agree.... I feel your pain. Big hugs. Rony
I think she's just not as into checking for rumors and staying on top of things now. I laughed at the "into Dec" and I truly think it's people playing with the rumors.
I still go there, mainly because we switched to SN and it's a great place to find out a tiny bit of information dealing with SN stuff.
We're dealing with the long wait to our LID of 9/14/06 by going SN.
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