Thursday, September 24, 2009

Jewish Haikus

Lacking fins or tail
The gefilte fish swims with
Great difficulty.

Beyond valium,
Peace is knowing one's child
Is an internist.

On Passover we
Opened the door for Elijah
Now our cat is gone.

After the warm rain
The sweet smell of camellias
Did you wipe your feet?

Her lips near my ear,
Aunt Sadie whispers the name
Of her friend's disease.

Today I am a man.
Tomorrow I will return
To the seventh grade.

Testing the warm milk
On her wrist, she sighs softly.
But her son is forty.

The sparkling blue sea
Reminds me to wait an hour
After my sandwich.

Like a bonsai tree,
Is your terrible posture
At my dinner table.

Jews on safari --
Map, compass, elephant gun,
Hard sucking candies.

The same kimono
The top geishas are wearing:
I got it at Loehmann's.

Mom, please! There is no
Need to put that dinner roll
In your pocketbook.

Seven-foot Jews in
The NBA slam-dunking!
My alarm clock rings ..

Sorry I’m not home
To take your call. At the tone
Please state your bad news.

Is one Nobel Prize
So much to ask from a child
After all I’ve done?

Today, mild schvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
Five-day forecast: feh

Yenta, Shmeer, Gevalt,
Shlemiel, Shlimazl, Meshuganah
Oy! To be fluent!

Quietly murmured
At Saturday synagogue services,
Yanks 3, Red Sox 5.

A lovely nose ring,
Excuse me while I put my
Head in the oven.

Hard to tell,
White yarmulke or
Male-pattern baldness


a Tonggu Momma said...

These made me laugh. But I was quite missing one about Yentl.

kerri said...

LOL, love these.

Kelli said...

Ha funny! I've seen some of these- is it a book called "haiku's for Jews" or something like that? A friend of mine has it in their bathroom....I always spend a little more time in their bathroom when I's too hard to stop reading! :)