Monday, March 02, 2009

*SPLAT*

That about sums up how I'm feeling lately.

The recent batch came out and it went from March 3 to March 6 2006 (for those of you who aren't knee-deep in the hoopla of the adoption process). Woo. What's that? Two days? Now don't get me wrong, I'm happy for everyone getting their referral in this, and every batch, but I just want it to be our turn already. It feels lately like our adoption is akin to "The Song That Never Ends"...it just keeps going and going and going. I really don't want to hear from people that "it happens at the right time", "you'll forget all about the wait, when..." etc., because you know what? It doesn't and we won't.

I'm not trying to play the 'pain game' and say that this wait is harder for us because...The truth is, it's difficult for everyone for their own reasons.

The next batch, if the predictions are correct, will probably only be another day (or possibly two). Yes, I know, some great people are going to be getting their referrals next and I *am* happy for them, but you know what? I want to be happy for US.

We're going to hit our 30 month LIDiversary next Friday. 30 months of waiting. 30 months of wondering. 30 months of what? We probably have another 30 to go before we get our referral (if we're lucky). Who knows?

We.didn't.sign.up.for.this.at.all.

I think I've lost my optimism about this adoption for now. I try to put on a happy face about it, but there are some days, I just don't think it's going to happen, and today is one of those days. I'll probably feel better in a few days, but right now I'm feeling lousy and I'm choosing to wade in the waters of discontent.

Hell, I'm soaking in it.

14 comments:

a Tonggu Momma said...

Rhonda, I'm so sorry. Sometimes there are no right words...

Debz said...

Velcro hugs mon amie....waiting with you....

Red Sand said...

I hesitate to say too much - what's being asked of you is so much harder, the endurance required so much greater. All I can suggest is allow the low energy / low optimism days and savour the slightly better days. Sending you freezing-rain-covered hugs.

Kristy said...

Rhonda I know exactly how you feel, but don't give up ok, Hang in there.

Love, Kristy

Beth said...

I has sad too. We can have sad together. Pass the wine.

Wendy said...

So sorry... (hugs)

Special K said...

Mama said there'd be days like these. She just didn't say there'd be so many along this adoption journey.

I'm not gonna sugar coat it. The waiting sucks donkey balls. Go have a few cocktails. Everything looks better after cocktails. :)

Catherine said...

no words, just prayers and ((hugs))

3D said...

It fricken sucks..hugs.

Keep smilin!

Michelle said...

Yup, to everything you said and the things the commenters too.

I don't even talk about it anymore and often I don't think about it either. It's like this mystical thing that once was but now I honestly don't believe ever will be.

And yet I still have a crib set up in the other room.

Crazy.

And there's no way you forget waiting four or five years for a child you thought would be here in 12 months(at most).

No way.

I'm sorry.

M and M said...

Sorry you are feeling crappy. On the bright side, you get to eat cake on Friday...

Juliette said...

So sorry Rhonda.
Just sorry and sad here too.

kerri said...

I am so sorry..

Michele said...

I wish I could take you out and share a huge piece of chocolate cake to help you feel better. The whole situation is beyond nuts and hope is hard to hold on to. I get it. Just be good to yourself and happier days will come.