Thursday, August 30, 2007

Goodbye freaks...

In honour of us getting our keys to the house tomorrow, I decided to add a post about the 'interesting' people we've seen come and go from our apartment building. Not everyone in the building is odd, but it seems that we have had our fair share of unique individuals here. Whenever Josh and I see a new person in the building we give them a pet name. So, sit back while I regale you with some of my favourite stories.

The sad thing is, all of these stories are true. Be afraid...be very afraid...

The Perfumed Pig

When Josh and I moved into the building we had a next door neighbour who we nicknamed the perfumed pig. I swear he would rut bathe in his cologne and stink up the elevator. He didn't even have to physically be in the elevator for it still to smell from his unique brand of evil musk. As if that wasn't bad enough, he used to clean his ears with Q-tips while he waited for the elevator. But wait...there's more. If the elevator arrived and he was done with the Q-tip, he would leave it on the ledge of the elevator door.

Chicken Hat Guy

This guy is a bit odd. He has a baseball cap that has a chicken on it (not a picture...a stuffed animal), but the chicken is so large that it hangs around his shoulders. Whenever he moves around, you have to be careful or you'll get a foot in your eye.


Mr. and Mrs. Sweaty Jogger Guy and the Sweaterettes
This guy moved out a couple years ago, but he used to go jogging every morning. Nothing wrong with that, but he SERIOUSLY needed to take a towel with him. He wouldn't just sweat, he would drip. Not just a little bit...I'm talking PUDDLES on the elevator floor. He had two daughters who looked JUST like him, they were cute...so we had to nickname them that.

Walrus Man

There's also Walrus Man. He has a moustache that looks JUST like the walrus on the old Woody Woodpecker cartoons! SERIOUSLY!




Ernie and Bertha


Our neighbour Ernie is just plain strange/creepy. There are too many stories about him that I can't just pick one. We're not really sure what his wife's name is, but we've nicknamed her Bertha...and we always giggle a little when we see them.

Creepy Guy with a Bowling Ball Bag

We're not really sure what his story is, but we always see him with a bowling ball bag, but no ball. Neither of us has gathered the courage to ask him what's in his bag, because we don't want to become his next 'victim'. He always wears a heavy parka regardless of the weather outside. He talks to everyone in the elevator, but really says nothing. He smells like rotted octopus, and that's on a good day...hey, you'd smell pretty g-d awful if you wore a parka on a hot summer's day too.

Crabby Lady

Our neighbour across the hall is unique in her own way. She's always crabby, we've never seen her crack a smile ONCE in the 11 years we've been here. She's always complaining about something. About five years ago, she noticed a hole in the wall by our door and she came up to me and asked 'Are you going to fix that?!' (in an accusatory tone like I caused the hole). I told her that it was the super's job to fix it, and she said that I should because it was unsightly and she was having company over that night. Umm, yeah.

Mr. Sanford's Long Lost Lovechild

If you remember the show Sanford and Son, (I'm sure Heather is humming the theme right now), you'll find this one amusing. We're not sure what's up with the guy who parks his car in the next spot over from us, but every week he has a new gash in his car...if the car were a horse, it would be taken out and shot (no offense to the horse lovers out there). One week he was driving around with the entire front fender missing, and then he got a 'spare' one which was too small for the frame and it promptly fell off when he parked the car.

To all the freaks we've met along the way, we SERIOUSLY won't miss you, please don't write. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200.00...

11 comments:

wzgirl said...

Homeownership - it is a very good thing. Your neighbors may still be strange - but there is something different when you own your own walls.

XO

Janet said...

That was hilarious! Are you SURE you don't live in Alberta? I'm pretty sure I've seen a couple of those people around here.....

Lisa said...

Congrats on getting your keys! I'd say tomorrow but it's 1:00 am so it is really tomorrow (today) already. Did you get that?? I'm going to bed now.

Night.

Doris & Dan said...

And you are leaving this oasis of oddness? Why ever for?

Hope your new neighbours are nick name worthy but for good non freaky reasons!

Can't wait to see you next week!

Keep smilin!

redmaryjanes said...

Too funny. My favorite is the q-tips ear guy. NASTY!

Cari said...

Yay keys!!! Can't wait to visit in the new home....maybe you'll have some cool freaks in the new 'hood.....

Love, Sprout

Headmeister said...

Um, have you been living in a halfway house for the criminally insane or something????

All I have to say is this:

http://tinyurl.com/yxz3l5

Donna & Andrew said...

Congrats on moving out of Strangeville. Thanks for the laugh.
Donna

Dolores and Shawn said...

I know you'll miss them, especially nasty Q-tip guy (that is very nasty).

C.J. said...

Sounds like the normal abnormal fare. Hey, I might want want to meet the bag man. Nuthin' sexier than the smell of squid putrefaction. I may like what he's got in that bag.

mommyof2galz said...

LOL! I had a few very strange neighbors too, but I think chicken hat takes the cake!