Saturday, March 15, 2008

True Blue?

(Posted by Josh)

If any of you have seen the movie “Forrest Gump” you’ll remember the scene where Forrest runs repeatedly across the US from Atlantic to Pacific coasts until halfway through the Arizona desert, he slows down, stops and declares to his disciples that he’s tired and he wants to go home. An epiphany! His run was over…enough is enough.

I came to the end of my race two nights ago when I was watching TV with Mère d'érable (Mother Maple). I have been a marketing professional for almost 15 years and I have managed to filter out the “truths” in media. Simple truths are that dogs chase cats, cats chase mice and mice scurry into perfectly formed arched doorways.

Another truth that my brain has been able to block out until two nights ago is that every product promoted in popular media that involves a bodily function below the neck is coloured blue. Underarm sweat #1, #2 anything involving women or babies. Above the neck is basically white. Shaving cream, women’s make-up, Dove soap and shampoo. Why do men bleed white when they cut themselves using an inferior razor?

Start at the top and work your way down. Everything that may emerge from the human body for good and bad reasons is blue. If a child had a blue “pee”, like one often sees on TV, he would be starring in the next “X Files” movie.

Do you want to see blue pee in real life? Add Methylene blue to your friend’s drink. In low doses it’s used as a diagnostic tool for patients with kidney trouble.

Another truth that struck me is why do women have the urge to ride horses, jump into swimming pools or perform complex gymnastic manoeuvres when their Aunt Flow comes to town? My understanding as a “man of the world” is that a guy’s place during this time is in the pub (or at least that is the safest place to be). While I am at the pub, I’ll assume my blushing bride is doing needlepoint and reading poetry just like all ladies do to pass those magical days. Rumours of emptying Baskin-Robbins or tearing the door off the fridge are urban legends.

Additionally, why do butterflies, unicorns and skin-tight white jeans make this time happy for women? I’m thinking if I was to have any procedures done south of the “Mason Dixon line”, the last thing I would be doing is bouncing on a horse or leaping on the uneven bars like Mary Lou Retton.

Seek the truth…it’s blue.

1 comment:

Beth said...

That completely threw me off until I saw Posted by Josh.

I will have to watch commercials more carefully.