Chutzpah 101 ***UPDATE***

Chutzpah as defined by dictionary.com gives the best description of what this is. I'm in utter shock and well, basically appalled by an invitation I received today.

I've been invited to a surprise bridal shower (don't worry, the bride doesn't know about the blog, so I'm not giving away her surprise). In and of itself that's nice and that's where the story SHOULD begin and end, but noooo that would be too easy (and nothing is ever easy).

So inside the invitation was a photocopied piece of paper where you have to fill in your name. Apparently they couldn't have done a mail merge and put people's names on it...to give it a bit more of a personal panache (yes, I'm being sarcastic).

Below that there are three boxes:

1. I will be attending. Enclosed is my cheque made out to (name omitted to protect the guilty) in the amount of $40.00 to cover all costs associated with (event) including taxes and gratuities.

2. Unfortunately, I am not able to attend and would like to contribute $_____ to her money envelope from the group.

3. Unfortunately, I am unable to attend.

Now there are several things here that annoy me.

1. If you can't afford to throw a bridal shower for someone (and in this case it's for this person's sister), then don't throw it. To add to that, you certainly don't ask your guests to cover the costs of the event. That's almost beyond chutzpah and leads right into jaw-dropping...or at least that's the way I see it.

2. To ask for money from people who won't be attending the event is also a bit galling, but not nearly as much as the above.

3. If you don't contribute it makes you look really cheap.

Below that it says "No gifts please. If you desire, at the (event), you may place a little "something" in our group money envelope which will be given to (bride).

Now, this also irks me because not only do you have to pay to cover the sister's costs for the event, but you also have to give cash to the bride. Granted, all newlyweds need money to start off, but to ask for that is chutzpahdic.

When I had my bridal shower, if people wanted to get me something, they would ask where we were registered. That, I would think, would be the 'norm'...but to ask for cash to pay for the event AND cash for the bride is simply beyond the pale.

The gift, whether the guest wants to give cash or a tangible item, should be up to the guest not the host.

Oh, and to add insult to injury, she also misspelled my name...grrr.

Thoughts? I'm interested in what your take is on all of this...

***First of all, thanks for reinforcing what my take was on all of this...and not thinking I'm the crazy one in all of this. ;)

I also got a fair amount of comments on Maya's Mom (the site I mentioned last week where I've also uploaded my blog).

Now for the piece de resistance (which I intentionally left out until I got comments about the situation)...the invitation came from mishpachah, though we're not close...obviously, (and she still can't *@&$#^! spelling my name). So yes, add all the pieces together and it leaves a VERY sour taste in my mouth.

Now, as it's a family function, I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place about going. Technically I should go, but I don't want to...unless, of course, I luck out and I get 24 hour Typhoid fever. :) Based on how I feel about the situation as a whole though, I'm really leaning towards not going and not sending a gift.

If this person was SO strapped for cash (which she isn't), she should have asked other family members to help her pay for it (ie., her brothers, her mom, etc)...not the guests.

It is certainly more common, having more than one person as a host/hostess of the event, rather that the way this fiasco was set up.***