I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy...

As many of you know, Josh and I have been looking for a house for a LONG while. Every few days or so, we get a call from our agent who takes us out to look at various properties. Yesterday he sent us a listing for a house that looked really promising, so we made arrangements to go out today and look at it. Though, when we really looked at the listing, we noticed that the price seemed too good to be true, but ventured out anyways.

When he handed us the listing off the MLS website, I noticed that where it usually says the owners name, it had the name of a trust company. I asked him about it and he said that wasn't really that odd. Umm, ok.

Over the past couple of years, we've seen everything...and I do mean EVERYTHING. Well, today took the cake. Hell, it took the whole damn bakery.

We had seen houses on the street before, but with a previous agent. When we drove towards the house, not only did we see a big garbage bin (you know, one of those industrial sized ones you'd see at a construction site), but a letter on the front door from the sheriff. Apparently they hadn't paid their taxes or mortgage payments and the house was repossessed (or whatever you call it when you default on a payment).

Josh and I just sort of looked at each other, mouths agape. Ok, people have their problems, life kicks you in the teeth from time to time, I get it...but it was a bit of a shock to see that on the door.

We walked through the front door and it looked like the house from the Amityville Horror movie. Seriously.

A child had drawn on the walls, not just a little scribble here or there, but EVERYWHERE...in the den, in the kitchen, in the living room and in the dining room. I had my doubts that it was actually a child that did it, as it seemed to be 'adult height'. When we walked through the kitchen, we noticed that there was a piece missing from the counter top. Well, not so much a 'piece' but it looked like what can only be described as a 'bite'. I looked around a bit more and I said 'Josh, we've been here before' (before the aforementioned 'decor changes'), but Josh just said 'oh all the houses on this street look alike'. I let him believe that and we continued our tour of the demonic palace...

We wanted to check out the downstairs, but none of the light switches would turn on at the top of the stairs. We sent our agent down the stairs, since he still believed he had a shot at selling it...even though I said loudly to Josh 'we can look, but we're not interested.'

The agent went downstairs, found a light switch and turned it on. I again told Josh that we had been in the house before, and he shushed me and looked around the basement. I don't know if they had been raising monkeys in the basement or not, but there was a certain piquant aroma emanating from there. We again looked around and saw that there was a part of the baseboard missing from the wall and what can only be described as creeping black mold oozing. Tasty.

Josh then looked around and said 'Hey, Rhonda, we've been here before!' I felt like muttering 'no shit Sherlock', but I held back...

Since we were already in the hellhole lovely abode, we decided to go upstairs and look around. I swear, every room was more hideous than the last...not to mention that all the bedroom doors had been decorated in the latest Dora the Explorer sticker arrangements. There were so many of them, I swear one of them winked at me...

The agent, as we were leaving, said 'well, it's a umm, fixer-upper' and laughed...really that's all any of us could do at that point.

The surprising thing is, the house already has two offers on it...OY!